The 9 Lesbians you will meet in your lifetime…
Disclaimer: This was in response to “The Eight Black Gays you will meet in your lifetime”. It’s all in fun. Seriously..lol
Top 9 Lesbians you will meet.
The Professional Stud:
She doesn’t work but always is dressed from head to toe in whatever is popular at the moment, has more pairs of kicks than the shoe store and more tattoos than Lil Wayne. Her job is to be the “ghetto hood” stereotypical male. If she could get you preggers and bounce on you, she would. Instead she just lays on your couch, watching your TV, eating your food, smoking herb and texting the five other women in her life on the cell phone you purchased for her.
Pro: She’s good in bed…maybe and she knows where the best parties are at.
Con: Everything above
The Professional Lesbian:
She’s usually beautiful and femmed up from head to toe with nails, weave and five inch heels all on point. She doesn’t work because McDonalds requires a hair net and besides she feels you should pay for the privilege of being her woman or “studsband”. She lays on your couch, flipping your channels, polishing her nails, changing her wig/weave out daily and texting the next chick on the phone you purchased her.
Pro: She looks good on your arm
Con: All of the above AND she’s a pillow princess
The Natural Lesbian:
She’s been a vegan for all of five days but still looks down on you for eating meat or sugar or hell anything that takes heat to cook. She backslides every now and then with a pork-chop sandwich when she visits her grandmother. She visits her grandmother every week. She burns incense all day and douses you in herbs and oils to purify your essence. Wearing a bra and deodorant is optional in her world. Everyone is her sista including all the ones she sleeping with.
Pro: She’ll make you a mean salad
Con: She won’t believe you when you tell her she smells
The I’m fighting Jesus to love you Lesbian:
After church on Sunday you might as well move out til Wednesday because it’s going to take that long for her to get over the fact that she is sinning and will be burning a slow death in her version of hell for loving you. Mind you she has five kids from three different men and was screwing anything that moved by age 15, plus that stint in county for check fraud but that won’t put her in the hell house like loving you will.
Pro: She’s probably good in bed, crazy usually is
Con: You’ll have to pray and ask for forgiveness after sex and deal with all them damn kids
The I’m new to the life Lesbian:
No one wants to be with her because she’s new and we are all scared she’s going to go back to dick. She’s always in the club, eyes wide open, staring in shock as women touch each other in public.
Pro: She’s new to the life
Con: She’s new to the life
The regular Lesbian:
She’s all right, goes to work, takes care of the kids and house. Has good credit and can cook some mean greens or change a tire in under 15 minutes. She still trying to please her momma who thinks one day she won’t be gay anymore. Baby daddy is still in the picture as well because she was such a good woman, you know outside of the lesbian thing.
Pro: She loves professional studs or professional lesbians
Con: She needs some self esteem lessons
The rainbow Lesbian:
This chick so damn gay she makes you cringe. Everything is a LGBTQ fight, march or rally. She makes Martin Luther King look like he didn’t do ish but watch wrestling on Saturday mornings. You say hi and she responds with “ I’m gay”. Every person she meets she comes out to and dares them not to accept it.
Pro: We need folks like her in the community
Con: She dates natural lesbians and believes she doesn’t smell either
The Pillow Princess
Well…………she’s never tasted pussy, has no desire to and hopes you understand.
Pro: I can’t find one
Con: Isn’t it obvious?
The Touch Me Not Stud:
She feels weak and womanly when she climaxes so won’t let you taste or touch her. Rarely will you ever see her totally naked. On the flip side she’ll do you all day long.
Pro: She got a mean head game
Con: She’s fucking dudes on the side